Maggie’s mother flat out refused to even consider hiring elderly care. Even though she would be calling Maggie just about every other day to ask her to come over and help with one thing or the other, she didn’t think that she had any trouble caring for herself.
This was frustrating for Maggie on more than one level. First, she was worried about her mother’s health at home. She would sit up late at night on occasion worrying about her, wondering if her mother was okay, and wishing that she could call and check on her. Also, Maggie found that her mother would call at all hours of the day, even when she was at work, which she had told her mother not to do unless it was a real emergency.
For her mother, some things were emergencies, even though Maggie would tell her that they weren’t. Maggie needed to find a way to talk to her mother, to get her to understand her concerns and why she felt that elder care providers were important at this point in her mother’s life.
Maggie decided that she was going to prioritize the challenges that her mother faced. She wrote down all of the things that she could recall her mother asking her for help with. She prioritized these in order or importance to her health and safety.
Then she contacted a couple of home care agencies in the area to find out what elder care services were available at that moment for her mother. She talked to them about her list of things that her mother needed help with and gathered as much information as she could to share with her mother.
Finally, she practiced patience. The home care agency representative, a highly experience woman in her late fifties, advised her that even though she would be tempted to run over and help her mother any time that she called for it, to not jump at her beck and call. Instead, she told Maggie to be patient and allow her mother to do what she could on her own.
Patience also needed to be applied to the conversation about elderly care. Her mother would be refusing to even talk about it right now because she had what he needed in her daughter. However, the more that Maggie resisted helping with things that were not safety related, the more her mother would realize that she needs help.
This helped Maggie’s mother come to accept that the right elderly care could make a difference in her life, and that of her daughter.